Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Thoughts turning to Fear

I am the type of person who can easily become worried. I work very hard (Let me insert pray, instead of work) so that I'm not distracted by worries. I absolutely hate worrying. It has brought me no comfort. It makes me irritable(Richard can verify this) as well as truly makes me ill. Complete with nausea and headaches, etc. But currently I can feel this overwhelming sense of fear approaching. I didn't think it would happen. At least not like this. You see, I knew that Richard wanted to be an officer. I had no problems with this. Who am I to deny him what he (and now I) believe to be what he should be doing! I researched everything. And I mean EVERY police statistic that is out there. The chances of him dying are greater by so many other factors than with him on the street. Greater in a car, etc. So this actually brought me comfort. Okay, but then he comes home yesterday. A day like any other day. Except this day is just a little different. You see yesterday was the first day he brought IT home. I knew this day was coming. In fact, I bought a Safe so that I would feel so much more at ease. But I had never SEEN it. And then it hit. I am not fearful that my children will get to it. I am not fearful that someone will try to hurt my husband. What I am fearful of is this....When I looked at IT , my thoughts tumbled in so many directions. How can something so little be so dangerous? How is it that just looking at IT makes my heart race and my palms get sweaty? It is the cause of so much death wrapped up in black metal. I guess for me it's that death by a gun can come from any hand. Strong or weak. And that is what frightens me. That something so cold, can bring death so quickly, and to someone so much weaker. That someone can have no value for their life or the life of another, that this is so quick. There is so much power in that gray and black steel. And that is what frightens me. Richard wants me to learn how to shoot it. I don't think I can even touch it. As my thoughts have been lingering on this since last night, I noticed that EVERY person who walked by Richard with his uniform on, their vision went straight to his waist. So, does that mean I'm not the only one with this fear? I'm not sure, but for now I just pray that God guides Richard's hands each and every minute! I'm sure there will be more on this later, for now it's all I can write....

Monday, December 12, 2005

So Many New Things!

First and foremost, can I say I told You So, to just a particular person that Dani was going to win Survivor!! And did you see the previews for the upcoming season! It looks VERY exciting! Can't wait for that one to start! Now, on to the updates! Since I last wrote so many new things! First, Richard is officially a police officer, and can I say how handsome he looks in his new little uniform! His graduation was so incredibly nice and I was honored to meet the chief or should I type CHIEF? I also was able to meet a Lt.(which I will abbreviate since I'm not sure how to spell that!) and two officers who came from his department just to support him and another recruit who will be working there. Now let me go into a little detail here. Richard attended the St.Louis County and Municipal Police Department, meaning that it's made up of every city in St.Louis County and then the county itself has a very large department that is a police force of it's own. So, needless to say there were a lot of places represented and it was very nice to see. The class honored a fallen police officer and his family and that was a very emotional thing for me. Enough on that, as I may not be able to continue typing! Then on Wednesday evening it go cold! And I mean COLD! So on Thursday morning we woke up to BIG, FAT Snowflakes. It snowed all morning and all afternoon and by the end of the day we had a good four inches. The kids loved it! Carter thinks it's Christmas! Everything he sees, whether it's someone's house lit up, or Santa, or Snow, or making a Gingerbread house, or the bell ringers at Walmart he says, "Look, It's Christmas!" To me, this is the perfect meaning of Christmas! At this point, he doesn't think about it being presents under a tree or the actual day, to him it's a Season. I so want him to keep this idea! So, on with the updates! So Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, we got to stay at home and not leave! What fun that was! It's been a long time since we were forced to be still and I could not have enjoyed it more! Do I feel the beginnings of a sermon? Not yet, focus Melanie---updates! Then on Sunday we tried to get our family picture taken! I had us all dressed up to match (of Course!-don't you laugh Shannon Jackson!) and wouldn't you know everyone cooperated but Carter! He was ready to go to Bible Class(they give him stamps on his hand!) So instead of the perfect picture for our Christmas cards (yes I know I'm behind) we now have a great collection of Carter crying, Daddy getting Frustrated, Mommy consoling Carter, Braden looking at the lights, Nana's hand trying to keep Ashlyn from falling off the stairs, and Papa snapping away while we keep telling him to wait! So if you don't get a Christmas card, I apologize now and will try to put all the funny pictures up here. I'm not good at that, so It will have to be my husband who does it! So church was wonderful as usual! And as our preacher says, "If you're not giving, You're not worshipping"! Now before you comment, let me just say, he's NOT referring to the Offering! Focus, Focus...Okay so after church, we had a graduation party for Richard! What a tremendous turnout! Now, you know I'm not one to turn down a party...I think I make up events just so I can entertain! Anyway, it was an overwhelming outpouring of love and support from so many! It really meant a lot to me as well as to Richard, who loved a captive audience for his many stories! And then of course our weekend was ended with the winning of the million by Dani! Anyone else think there was something funny going on with her lips? Okay, so that's the update! Now, I'm off to check all of yours!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Tomorrow's The Big Day!

Well tomorrow night is Richard's Graduation from the Police Academy. He is so excited! He's just like a little boy! I keep telling him that every little boy's dream of Cops and Robbers is coming true for him! I'm so proud of him, I know you can't tell. This was such a big leap of faith for us( and will continue to be!) to leave such a stable job and home and loved friends to do this. But God has definitely rewarded me and my little family so richly! I'll try to finish this later---Chunky Buddy is calling for me!!