9 months

9 months.

When that phrase comes to mind I think life. New life. 9 months of wonder. Making plans and God creating and molding. 9 months of development for a new tiny being. Excitement, joy, and so very anxious to hold this new person in your arms.

But the phrase 9 months today, means 9 months without the physical presence of a mother, daughter, sister, wife, and friend. 9 months without Jenny.

But this past 9 months HAS been about wonder, development, and molding. Anxious to feel and new found joys. A new life. Mine.

Just one without Jenny.

Well maybe not without, just temporarily postponed.

Back in the Saddle

It's been a very overwhelming and busy 8 months. I'm up and at em again though.

I am so very thankful for the blessings in my life. I have a new blessing each and every day. Many of which I'm going to try and share over the next week.

Today I'm thankful that I have a wonderful job. I have employers who know my family is my number one priority and will let me take off as much time as I want for that purpose.

I am blessed to be doing what I love in an environment that encourages my family.

Ashlyn

9 years ago today, God gave me a gift I daily do not deserve. The blessing of being a Mom. It is a gift that encourages me, strengthens me, challenges me, scares me, and blesses me. I could have never guessed how much joy and growth would occur within 9 years of time.

I have many identities but a favorite is being Ashlyn's mom. She is smart, funny, outgoing, kindhearted, generous, empathetic, talented, loving, hardworking, and she is mine.


Sweet Ashlyn, your smile is contagious. Your joy lights a room and I pray that your light never fades. You are a wonderful example to me of happiness and excitement. Your giggle brightens my life and I'm so thankful for all the special smiles we share.
Your sensitive heart speaks to me and while I don't have all the answers to all of life's questions, you take my limited knowlege and wisdom in like a sponge and are always searching to understand. I pray that your enthusiasm for learning never slows and that you search the Word and God's heart with the same zeal. I will never be the perfect Mom, but I pray every night that God will cover those mistakes with his Grace and Love.
Ashlyn, I will fight for your faith with every breath I take. That you see Jesus in me and know I seek him even in the midst of my mistakes and fumblings.
God has given you great gifts. You heart is amazingly kind. I smile when I see you run into church to see your friends and then you stop to hug some of the Elderly in church. You make them smile and I love how you care for them.
You take after me with your love for reading. I love that we share that and I love picking out books that I know you'll enjoy.
You have an amazing athletic ability. Very few can outrun you and I love to see your concentration when you play any sport. You have a natural talent that surprises any who watch you and I pray you can use that to God's glory.
I love to hear your sweet voice sing. I love to watch you sing and dance and I love to hear you sing along with your ipod. You have no idea we are listening but it softens my heart.
Thank you for being open with me and confessing things to me that are difficult to say. Please know that you can always come to me and talk. No matter what it is, I will not love you less.
While part of me is sad to see this time slipping through my fingers, I can't wait to see the plans God has already made for you. Plans for your future and plans to bring him glory. I love you sweet girl.

The Weekend

This weekend is already mixed emotions for me. Because as we are celebrating Ashlyn turning 9, our sweet friend Malaya will be turning 10. And there's someone missing that.

One thing I KNOW....I'm just so thankful that just as Christ's story does not end on the Cross, Jenny's story did not end in that hospital room. And that makes me smile.


We are celebrating Ashlyn very low key this year. Just a couple sweet friends coming over tomorrow night to have a slumber party, pizza, and fun decorating cupcakes.

Ashlyn is actually getting her bedroom redone (a Big girl room! Makes me kind of sad.) and some new furniture.

Birthday Pics and Birthday Blessing to come....

Easter

What a wonderful day! It was filled with mixed emotions but there was HOPE and it blessed me.

We spent a wonderful day at church and then to my parents. We decided to ditch the traditional ham and my Dad grilled us AWESOME steaks. You can definitely tell it's a holiday when the dessert dishes outnumber the dinner/lunch dishes~

Just a glimpse of what the kids and I worked on for our Easter treats!

Braden again...

It always seems to be Braden.

Braden had a vaccine reaction at 8 months and we spent 7 days at the hospital. We had hoped that he would have outgrown whatever it was. Apparantly not.




The good news is that it's already healing. The bad news is that it was really painful, came with a HIGH fever and this picture wasn't the worst it got. The good news is that it's already healing. :)

Richard and I went away for the weekend. It was a wonderful 2 days filled with rest and relaxation and wonderful down time. I'm so thankful for Richard and the patience and support he has shown.

In truth, I'm not enjoying this season right now. So many things I'm reading and learning. I've learned what "lament" really means. What mourning feels like. And I understand all the traditions that went along with mourning and why. I wouldn't have to explain my sadness if there were an outward symbol of this. My days are filled with sadness, memories, and self/spiritual discovery. A lot of which in myself needed to be priorized and pruned anyway. I'm not pretending happiness with the kids anymore, it's become much more genuine. I can't say I'm ready to dance and say I'm filled with joy, but I do think I'm on my way.

One month

It's been one month. The longest month I've ever known. A month of questioning, crying, waiting, changing, praying, living, and hoping.

It's still hard to believe our Jenny has been transformed. I still can't/won't think of her in death. For to know Jenny and to be in Jenny's presence screamed LIFE. I know that is true right now. Jenny is LIFE. And it helps to think she's been transformed. And that there's a someday. And it may be soon. I can only hope.

Little did I know when Jenny sent me a messsage a couple days before she became ill telling me to get ready and pick the dates for our mini vacation in the summer that it would not come to pass. And that hurts.

A month ago today I sat in a hospital room surrounded by Jenny's loved ones begging for her life. I pleaded for God not to make me mourn for his Glory but to celebrate his choice to let her live. I felt the presence of God as prayers and love were poured over her. I heard the sound of hearts breaking. It is a groan that cannot be spoken, a feeling of suffocation and the sensation of being in a vise. It is the true definition of pain. In that moment I also felt a peace. I understand a peace that defies understanding and yet with it a pain so strong that you cannot breathe.

and I will not forget. I will not forget those moments nor will I forget the reasons for that moment. I do not know the why, but I do know the who.

I'm scared...

I'm scared to write more memories of Jenny. I will eventually run out. Then what?

I have no title for this blog. Nothing seems to capture the memories that flood my mind today.

Ashlyn was born on Malaya's first birthday. They have been the cutest friends since. Jenny actually came to spend some time with me while in labor. I had been given a shot of some relaxing medicine which had an adverse effect. Jenny prayed over my labor and birth and I had the giggles. Which turned into guffaws, tears and all. Jenny got her cute laugh going and I can still hear that laugh when I close my eyes. I pray I never forget that sound.


Ashlyn told me last night as I was praying with her before bed that on Sunday she had gone outside to get in the car for church and the sun was shining. She said she had to look up at the sky and she KNEW Jenny had smiled at her. I do believe she did.

Jenny

I'm still just so sad. I have so many thoughts, some profound, some not even intelligible. And many, many memories. They just creep up out of nowhere.

I miss that girl like crazy.

I never thought I would ever have to write a "memorial" blog about one of the sweetest people in my life. To try and sum up feelings, conflicting emotions, and a crushed heart is almost impossible to articulate in black and white. Jenny was much more than that. I guess I should start at the beginning...

Richard and I moved to Texas in January of 2000. After visiting churches for a month or so, we walked in to Mesquite. It was home. That immediate feeling of belonging. I sat in on Beverly's Wednesday night classes. I fell in love. Not only with her, but with the God that she loved. She told me that she had a daughter and husband and that she was really trying hard to get them to move to Mesquite. And that if they did, we would be fast friends. Oh, how right she was.

Jenny, David, and Malaya did move to Mesquite. We IMMEDIATELY hit it off. Oh how we could laugh. They had just moved into their first rental in Mesquite (is it sad I still remember the address?) and had us over for dinner. We had fajitas, David's homemade salsa and chips, and her "sin" dessert. We did small talk for a while and asked questions like, "What did you do in college?", What's your favorite restaurant?" and things like that. Until I asked Jenny "Did you ever play sports". David choked, Jenny spit out her sweet tea, and they both laughed until they cried. Oh what a sweet memory.

That's all I can do for now. But I have 10 more years to work through.

Cake Balls

I get a lot of requests for this recipe, so I decided to post it. *I did not create this recipe*

Cake Balls

1 box cake mix (plus ingredients to make cake)
1 can frosting (any flavor that compliments cake)
1/2 bag chocolate chips (milk or white)

Make cake according to directions. Let cool for 10 minutes. Dump cake into a large bowl. Microwave frosting for about 20-25 seconds until smooth. Pour into large bowl. Stir until all combined. Will look like wet dough. Use a scoop to make 2 inch balls and place on cookie sheet. Refridgerate until firm. Melt chocolate chips and drizzle on top or you may dip into chocolate. Store in fridge. Makes about 3 dozen.

Some great cake combinations

Chocolate cake/chocolate frosting/chocolate chips
red velvet cake/cream cheese frosting/white chocolate chips
spice cake/cream cheese frosting/white chocolate chips

Enjoy!

My Bed

There's something magical about my bed. It's not the sheets or the cute comforter I love. It's definitely not the squeaky matress where you may feel a spring or two in your back if turning the wrong way. It has to be something else.

How else could it be a place for comfort, solace, and love for our family?

Whether sick with fever or other ailments, sliding between the sheets of our big bed instantly brings at the least, some small measure of relief.
Whether tormented with a dream that will not leave the mind, the smell of mommy and daddy brings comfort that a small twin bed cannot provide.
Whether frightened when storms pound away outside, laying on mommy or daddy's pillow sweeps the crashing thunder and loud claps away.
Whether laughing at that days memories and the fun moments that were shared.
Whether praying for forgiveness in lapses of judgement and disobedience
Whether confiding secrets and sharing sensitive words...
Whether comforting tears and heartaches or fears for the future....
Whether soothing wounds where words cut to the core....
Whether teaching life's lessons to sweet earnest ears....
Whether singing sweet lullaby's to end our day...
Whether seeking counsel on matters of importance or unimportance...
Whether laughing in the dark until it's hard to breathe...

My bed is magical.

A sprinkle of this, and dash of that.....

An eventful and busy couple weeks have kept us hopping. Ashlyn has made it home from camp with lots of new friends and wonderful memories. She has enjoyed telling us all her sweet stories and reintroducing us to some great camp songs. And some of those songs, I can't believe they still sing!

Our town has some wonderful outdoor pools/waterparks and we have a summer pass to these pools. We've been spending a lot of time at them and the kids are enjoying working on swimming. Braden is working his confidence up to putting his face in the water.

Richard is on to a new shift and we are enjoying having him at home with us for the evenings. It's definitely made bedtime a lot easier on me!

This weekend Richard's sister and her husband will be coming to visit for a few days. We're looking forward to fun times with family.

Now although they are coming in this weekend, I may have to make a quick trip for a funeral. A sweet friends father died this morning and I'm still awaiting the services to be decided.

And last but not least, the Parade! The small town I grew up in hosts a parade each year! And we went. And it was memorable. In many, many ways. Nothing says small town like dressed up ladies missing some teeth. :)

I'm still here...

I can honestly say since I started facebook, this blog has been a distant memory. But, there's just something different about a blog and I've decided to rejoin the land of blogging.

There is way too much to catch up on in the last six months so I'll just start with this week and as important memories/events surface since my last post, I may blog on it or not.

Yesterday we dropped Ashlyn off at camp for the very first time. She has been so excited and couldn't stop talking about it. She made us teach her camp songs and tell her all about what would happen while she's there. While we know she's having a great time, we are kind of mopey at home. We keep looking at the clock and wondering what she's doing. It's so strange to think she's old enough to go to camp by herself. Where did the time go? We pick her up on Thursday and I can't wait!

Just a couple pictures I'll include of our family!

Creamy Coffee Punch

I have had no motivation to write a blog lately, so I decided to write down one of my most requested recipes.

Creamy Coffee Punch (this rivals Starbucks any day!)

1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup instant coffee granules
1 cup boiling water
8 cups milk
1 quart vanilla ice cream, softened (go cheap, since quality won't matter here!)
1 quart chocolate ice cream, softened (same as above on cheap factor!)

In a small bowl, combine the sugar and coffee; stir in boiling water until dissolved. Cover and refrigerate until chilled. Just before serving, pour coffee mixture into a 1 gal pitcher. Stir in milk. Add scoops of ice cream and stir until ice cream is melted and creamy. Serve immediately or freeze and then thaw out before serving. If freezing and thawing out, punch will be slightly more granular than if you were to serve immediately after making! Enjoy!

The year in a Quick review

Well the beginning of 2008 started off with a quick family trip to Branson. What a wonderful time just to get away. Winter flew by and spring was quick to follow with baseball for Carter and Ashlyn and birthdays for them as well. Ashlyn has turned 7 and Carter had his big 5 birthday. By this time, Braden had made his 2nd trip to the ER and I had injured my neck. Summer was spent with more games and swimming lessons. I had neck surgery and Braden broke his leg all within a few weeks of each other. I still insist he takes after his dad and not his accident prone mommy. Braden celebrated his 3rd birthday at the end of July and August came with the excitement of school starting. Ashlyn started 2nd grade and Carter entered Kindergarten. Fall was quick to pass with soccer for Ashlyn and Carter and a trip to San Diego for my sister Michelle's wedding. Back to the daily grind filled us up in November and Christmas came in with a rush to finish off the year with lots of celebration and joy! We've had ups and downs but such a wonderfully blessed year! May 2009 be filled with even more joy and blessings for all you!

Sew Much Fun!

While many of you know how much I love to cook, and do other "homey" things, sewing is not one of them. And I will freely admit that many times I gave away or threw away things based on a missing button, undone hem, etc. Well no more! My girlfriend has taken pity on me and is teaching me to sew. This is my first project that I completed!

And a big shout out to Jenny, my partner in crime about this: If I can do it, you can do it! Tell B, she'll be so proud!

And Danna, you can tell Mama Sue that she doesn't have to be shocked anymore by my lack of needle knowledge!

BOO!

ER speedpass?

Well for our 4th visit in ten months, I wonder if you can guess which child it was?

If you guessed Braden, you are correct!

I'm copying from hubby's blog since the story is to the point and oh so true!

I guess everyone has or has had some desire to be well known or famous at some point in their lives. But I never wanted to be well known for taking my children to the emergency room.

Once again the youngest made a visit. I had just laid the kids down for bed and was walking out the door for the ever exciting midnight shift when I heard a "thump" and a cry come from the boys' room. Braden. The last time I heard that noise Braden had put his teeth through his bottom lip. So I went in to investigate.

I have never in my life seen something like this. The boy had a hole in his forehead. Literally. The skin wasn't broken but it looked like he had a 1/4" hole about an inch above his nose. I believe he was playing around and was flopping his head down on his pillow...and missed. I think he hit it right on the corner of his wooden bed. Thank goodness I am in the profession that I am in or else I probably would have flipped out at the sight.

So I "calmly yelled" downstairs to Melanie and we were off to the ER (after dropping the kids off at a friend's house-Thanks Mike and Valerie!) We went because the injury never swelled and it appeared to be swelling to the inside.

After a few hours in the ER and an x-ray later Melanie and Braden got to go home. No hole in the skull; no concussion; nothing else wrong. Just a great looking bruise.

So, this is now the fourth time with Braden. Stitches in the lip, French fry up the nose, broken leg, and hole in the head. I love you buddy!!